No, this isn’t just a list with the phrase “Fuck off!” written 20 times – we promise. As iconic as Succession’s use of the sweary signoff is, the show’s dialogue has so many more treasures to offer. As well as its sublime set pieces, luxurious locations and scathing depictions of the corporate elite, Jesse Armstrong’s unbearably high stakes drama about the Roy family and their incessant quest for power delivers some of the most memorable quotes in recent TV history.
Featuring savage put-downs, stinging insults and strangely touching moments of honesty, feast upon our countdown of the greatest lines from the show so far. Warning – Succession season 1 and 2 spoilers ahead, and explicit content. Obviously.
The 20 Best Quotes From Succession
20. “Greg, this is not fucking Charles Dickens World, okay? You don’t go around talking about principles. Man the fuck up!” – Tom
In the second episode of season 2, Tom (Matthew Macfadyen) is attempting to exert his authority as the new head of ATN news – but Greg (Nicholas Braun) isn't too comfortable with being a part of the network and their propensity for spreading fake news. As Tom reminds him, there's no time for morals if you want to get to the top, especially not in the Roy family.
19. “I’m not saying I’d make a better CEO. That’s unsaid.” – Connor
Ah, Connor. Played by Alan Ruck, the eldest Roy sibling is often left out of the power moves and manipulation, mostly as he's considered too incompetent to matter. In the second episode of the first season, as Logan (Brian Cox) lays unconscious in hospital, the gang consider who to name as CEO in the meantime to avoid a stock market crash. Connor 'unsays' that he's a better candidate than Kendall (Jeremy Strong) – but, as Kendall points out, "it's not unsaid if you say it".
18. “I just wonder if the sad I’d be without you is less than the sad I get from being with you.” – Tom
Though he certainly has his moments, as Shiv's (Sarah Snook) husband and permanent outsider to the family, poor Tom Wambsgans is often the lesser of many bellends. After being blindsided on his wedding night by Shiv saying she wanted an open relationship and thrown under the bus by her on several occasions, in the season 2 finale, Tom confesses how unhappy he is. Shiv looks shocked, which is shocking to us, because she never seems too fussed about having him around. Could Tom be set to make moves to leave Waystar Royco in season 3?
17. “You look like a dildo dipped in beard trimmings.” – Roman
This one pretty much speaks for itself. As you can tell, Roman (Kieran Culkin) and Stewy (Arian Moayed) – Kendall's friend from college, Waystar investor and proxy battle instigator – do not get along.
16. “You’re my boy. You’re my number one boy.” – Logan
With Logan constantly gaslighting Kendall, and Kendall trying to usurp Logan over and over again, you could say their relationship is rocky at best. At Shiv and Tom's wedding, Ken handed his father the bear hug letter, announcing the launch of a hostile takeover of the company, before ending up in a car accident that killed a waiter. Logan made it go away, with the understanding that Kendall came back to the dark side. The pair share a hug that feels poignant and menacing all at once, with Logan's whisper in Kendall's ear acting as a final power move in his most vulnerable time.
15. “They call Gil ‘Meth Head Santa,’ because he so rarely delivers.” – Hugo
Hugo, played by Fisher Stevens, is one of Waystar Royco's top PR guys, and became a series regular in season two. In the ninth episode of the second season, the Roys are dragged to DC to give testimony regarding the cover up of sexual harassment claims and more within the company's cruise department, and Hugo is a key feature in prepping the family to face Senator Gil Eavis (Eric Bogosian). Eavis is also Shiv's former boss, and though Hugo clearly doesn't think much of him, he still manages to tear Tom a new one.
14. “Are we talking to each other on the deck of a majestic schooner? Is the salty brine stinging my weather-beaten face? No? Then why the fuck are you are wearing a pair of deck shoes man?" – Tom
Survival in the Roy family is all about punching down, and sadly, for the most part, Greg is at the bottom of the food chain. Tom takes him under his wing at work, glad to finally have a punching bag to pass on the stick he receives as a distinctly outside member of the inner circle and mocking Greg at every opportunity – including his choice of footwear on his first day.
13. “He’s selling me things I want at a fair price? So what’s next, fellatio?” – Logan
Logan drops this humdinger of a line when he attempts to buy a package of local news stations and meets much less resistance than expected, with the seller accepting his offer straight away. Roman thinks it's a good deal if both parties get what they want, but as Gerri (J Smith Cameron) says, "It's no good if he's smiling".
12. “You better be smelling your fucking armpit, Romulus” – Logan
Kendall's strategy to remove his father from leadership with a vote of no confidence comes to a head in the sixth episode of season one, but a last minute helicopter trip and New York traffic prevent him from being in the room when it happens and the votes are taken. Roman, previously on Kendall's side, attempts to raise his hand against Logan, but swiftly lowers it at this retort – and, as the deciding vote, causes Kendall's plan to crash and burn.
11. “What the fuck is this obsession with milk? You know who drinks milk? Kittens and perverts.” – Roman
After being humiliated by Logan during a friendly game of 'boar of the floor', Roman wants to know how to earn his father's respect. Gerri suggests going back to basics, and joining the Waystar management programme – Roman needs to get grounded, and learn the price of a gallon of milk, much to his confusion.
10. “It was supposed to be choreographed. That was about as choreographed as a dog getting fucked on roller skates.” – Logan
In the third episode of the second season, the Waystar gang head to Europe for a hunting trip. Logan is in the midst of preparing to make the Pierce family an offer to buy their rival news company when he hears from financial advisor Jamie Laird (Danny Huston) that they have already caught wind, and he's not too happy about it.
9. “It’s not like they pre-poop them. It’s just a mental barrier.” – Greg
Poor Greg. After being berated by Tom for his choice of shoes on his first day, he is caught helping himself to the free snacks in the canteen and stuffing them into a dog poop bag. He hastens to clarify its cleanliness, and that the inherent grossness about putting food in a bag meant for something altogether less appetising is all in our heads.
8. “Drive your fucking whirly-bird!” – Logan
When he refused to budge on announcing Shiv as his successor, Logan lost the deal with Pierce family, much to his frustration. A tense helicopter ride home sees him hit the window in anger, before yelling this instantly iconic line to the pilot.
7. “You don’t hear much about syphilis these days. Very much the MySpace of STDs.” – Tom
In the sixth episode of season 2, the Roys gather at Argestes for a tech conference, with chaos closing in from all sides regarding the scandal in cruises and their deal with the Pierces. At pre-drinks for the event, Logan spots rival Sandy Furness (Larry Pine), and lets Tom and Greg know that he's apparently been suffering with a certain STI, with Tom responding in his usual awkward fashion.
6. “The ‘Logan Roy School of Journalism’? What’s next, the ‘Jack The Ripper Women’s Health Clinic’?” – Ewan
Logan and his brother Ewan (James Cromwell) aren't exactly close – Ewan once called the Roy family a "nest of vipers" – though the taller brother does stick by Logan on occasion, most notably at the vote of no confidence. In the eighth episode of the first season, the family visit their patriarch's home town of Dundee for a surprise celebration of Logan's 50th year in the business. Though Kendall's cringe-inducing "L to the O-G" rap stole the show in terms of scenes in this episode, Ewan's one of many digs at the quality of journalism at Waystar is a killer insult – literally.
5. “What I think he meant to say was that he wished that Mom gave birth to a can opener, because at least then it would be useful.” – Roman
It didn't take long for us to understand just how savage the Roy siblings could be with each other – just two episodes in, with Logan out of action, they bicker about who should be seen to take charge. Though clearly the most qualified for the job, Kendall was shot down by his father as an option for CEO in the previous episode, leading Roman to lash out with this stinger.
4. “Romulus, when you laugh, please do it at the same volume as everyone else. We didn’t get you from a hyena farm.” – Logan
The Roys are trying to win over the Pierces at their family home Tern Haven, so as to buy out their rival news company, and it's not working. Logan gathers the gang to strategise, telling Shiv off for making jokes that don't land and Connor for rubbing a Pierce cousin up the wrong way, before chucking this zinger in Roman's direction. His response? "Thanks, Pop".
3. “He ate my fucking chicken. What’s next? Stick his cock in my potato salad?” – Logan
In the season 2 finale, Tom Wambsgans has had enough. He feels scapegoated after the hearing in DC, he confronts Shiv about her determination to deviate from a monogamous marriage, and then exerts a power move over Logan by stealing some of his dinner – perhaps his bravest moment yet.
2. “Sure. Although he did once call me the cunt of Monte Cristo.” – Tom
On the hunting trip in the third episode of season 2, several of the Waystar team have doubts about Logan's plan to acquire PGM, the Pierce's media company. Gerri and Karl (David Rasche) need someone to bring it up, but want to avoid facing Logan's wrath, and so attempt to manipulate Tom into doing it instead. Gerri reassures him that he'll be fine - after all, he is family. With this Monte Cristo line just one of many spewed at him by Logan in the past, Tom's not convinced.
1. “You can’t make a Tomelette without breaking some Gregs” – Gil
Tom and Gerri are in DC, facing questioning from Gil Eavis. Tom is already on thin ice after almost pretending he doesn't know who Greg is, when Gil asks him, "do you know what is special about the hours between 3am and 5am on the night of March 12th?". As Tom responds that he does not, Gil confirms that it was the only period that day in which Tom didn't send an email to Greg with this subject line. Pure punning gold.
READ MORE: Succession Season 3 Review